Grand Theft Portal

Plot Summary

This is an episode of Irken Conquest: Season Two

When the test run of Nightmare Vex's army transfer portal leaves their power source completely crippled, Nightmare Vex finds out that the only viable power source belongs to someone he cannot defeat on his own: Invader Vex.

Transcript

Nightmare Vex: Ok... The portal is almost complete, sir. We are ready for test phase one.

Invader Jib Nightmare Clod: Excellent..When do you suppose it WILL be complete?

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Within the month, given that the tests all go as planned. No more than two months.

LIRLIR Scientist: *derps and stares at N.Vex*

Invader Jib Nightmare Clod: See that all goes as planned, then. I will count on two months.

INVADER VEX N. Vex: If we had more engineers and fewer people like... That... *points at the scientist* we would be done sooner! But yes sir, I will see it done. Long Time has joined the chat.

INVADER VEX

• N. Vex begins punching numbers in a calculator and tells one engineer something, then turns again to face N. Clod*

N. Vex: Sir, I have business to attend to. I will notify you if any complications come up

LIRLIR Scientist: *looms over N.Clod's shoulder, staring at him*

Invader Jib Nightmare Clod: Yes..and do see that *points at the starring scientist* that this fellow goes through AI processing.

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Yes sir, of course. I'll tell Knox to do it. *walks back over to the portal*

• ...Several, and I mean several like the majority of engineers there, are working on the portal*

INVADER VEX

• The portal is a large loading deck with a net of field projectors that lowers over the deck. The engineers are testing the motors of the lowering components.*

LIRLIR Scientist: *walks up to N.Vex* Our newest captive is undergoing AI processing perfectly.

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Good to hear. Now, turn on the field projection device!

INVADER VEX

• the mechanized arms light up and move around, and then one explodes.*

Invader Jib Other Engineer: S-sir, the current fuel source seems to be..inefficient..

LIRLIR Scientist: Oh.. dear.

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Agh! What happened!?!? It was just working.... We must have missed something...

Invader Jib

• The fueling system of the portal is filled with Time Residue..It wasn't before*

Engineer: We ran out of fuel and had to put the..other stuff in..

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Hmm... No significant power source? Well... Let's run some tests for a new power source. Search the power inventories for every known element in every dimension! And... Um... Someone get that time residue out of there! That will send our battalion into... Who knows where or when!

Invader Jib Engineer: *Attempts to remove the canister of Time Residue, but the Engineer's hand is dissolved in the process*

LIRLIR Scientist: That stuff's unstable! Get it into lockdown before someone stupid enough touches it and dies... *looks at the engineer* *facepalms*

Scientist: also... Every known element in every dimension? I'm not sure if that's possible. But we'll try.

Invader Jib 317: *Sigh* *Puts on a special glove, then takes the canister back to the power storage room*

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Thank you 317... Alright, how about that power indexing?

LIRLIR Scientist: We've centered on a great power source in a very close dimension. 10:15 INVADER VEX N. Plixx: *walks over from a computer station* um... There is a fourth dimensional substance called Tesseract that might work. But the only owner is your Z-14 counterpart, Vex.

N. Vex: Great...

LIRLIR Scientist: BlAgh i was getting to that!

INVADER VEX N. Vex: well I guess we need to break into his storage room. Someone assemble a team.

LIRLIR Scientist: Our new soldier will accompany you.

Invader Jib 317: I'll get on that, sir-what? New soldier?

LIRLIR

• Ding stomps in, his metallic suit clanging*

Scientist: This guy! *smiles*

INVADER VEX N. Vex: hmm... Interresting. All right. Who else do we have?

LIRLIR Scientist: We found him drifting on a hollow asteroid, eating bread.

Scientist: Uhh.. Who else wants to go?

• silence*

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Yeah, who else is gonna go?

Invader Jib 317: I've..err, we've managed to amass a few non-Dotian AI soldiers, namely a few Irkens. Should I bring them?

LIRLIR Scientist: Sure.

N. Vex: Yes, they would help.

Invader Jib 317: Alright. I'll have them ready in a moment. *heads to the armory place*

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Mhm. I'll meet you there.

LIRLIR Ding: Toast. *follows N.Vex*

• Assembled are, two mechanized Irkens and three mechanized Nightmare Irkens from Nightmare Tak's army, including Nightmare Crux, Nightmare Mie, and two unidentified Irkens.

Invader Jib 317: I assure these are the best sla-err, soldiers we have. They have been programmed by that Knox guy to use their sentient mind at the AI's will-or so I have been told.

INVADER VEX N. Vex: Alright. Everyone get their weapons!

LIRLIR Ding: *coughs up a large chunk of bread, which lands squarely on 317's face*

Invader Jib

• On queue, the soldiers run to a weapon dispenser machine and grab weapons*

317: Ugh...*Wipes of the bread*

• one of the Irken soldiers has grey eyes and a cloth over his mouth :O*

LIRLIR Ding: *activates his hands for a bit, where bright arcs of electricity touched the ground*

Invader Jib 317: ..*Stares at Ding suspiciously* *Eyes narrow*

Ding: Toast. *burps*

Nightmare Vex: Despite my counterpart being deceased, there are still many guards and technicians aboard the station, so we will need soldiers along with scientists. Get on the boarding ship.

Ding: *steps onto the ship*====

• The AI-based Nightmare Irkens and Irkens from before enter the boarding ship*

• Nightmare Vex and a few other Nightmare Irken technicians board the ship*

• The ship takes off on its own and flies out of the hangar*

• The ship begins to fly to the Horrible Planet of Doom, the easiest portal to access*

N. Vex: Alright. The ship will take us there automatically, but we will need to slip past the orbital security of the planet on the other side of the portal. For that we have the static jammer, manned by 317, and turrets. Everyone will man one of those.

The soldiers all give a "Yes, sir."

• N. Vex takes the forward Gatling gun and other soldiers fan out to the other ones*

• After some time, the Nightmare version of Horrible Planet of Doom begins to come into view*

Ding: *grabs a turret, but it blows up* TOOAST

Ding: *disregards the pile of parts from the turret around him, and raises his hands*

N. Vex: *Glares at him, but fires a small piece of rubber at a television in the open window of a small building on the surface of the planet and changes the channel to the portal, which envelopes the ship*

• a large metal ship crashes through the hardware store on the Horrible Planet of Doom, killing at least three inmates of the planet and smashing almost the entire north facing wall and leaving a huge scar across the surface for about a quarter mile*

• Another inmate looks at the wreckage* Meh. *walks away*

N. Vex: Activate the jammers and prepare for battle!

• The ship curves up into the stratosphere, sending out small plasma flares to draw the fire of the Irken blockade

317: *Processes several buttosn and turns several nobs, activating the static jammer*

• The ship begins autonomous defense programs including spinning and sending out more flares, while it begins to come into view of the blockade*

N. Vex: Here it is. Begin firing!

Ding: *shoots an arc of electricity at the blockade from his hands*

• The other soldiers begin firing as well*

• The Gatling gun on the front takes out a cluster of Spittle Runners, cutting a small hole in the blockade*

N. Vex: We have an opening! 317, turn on the boosters.

• 317 pulls down a lever, thus activating the boosters*

• The ship speeds up enough to break through the small hole before another ship covers it

• One Shuvver fires a last-ditch laser at the ship, disintegrating one of the engines and sending the ship terribly off course*

Ding: *anchors himself to the ship's floor using his boots*

• Nightmare Vex puts the ship on manual pilot and heads for a small planet in the distance in order to fix the ship*

N. Vex: That was too close... We need a better plan. And more weapons. I plan to stop off at... Dirt. That place has a huge black market where we can get our hands on supplies.

317: Honestly, I would suggest that we um..stop using that portal?

N. Vex: We need it until we get ours online... That's what this mission is for.

9:23 INVADER VEX Mhm, sure. I guess I will record Welcome to the Irken Empire Wiki chat 9:23 LIRLIR Ok. Ding: *waits for orders* 9:25 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Ok... I'm going to put er down on planet dirt, so everyone get on a disguise of some sort... We don't want to draw attention N. Vex: *opens a small box and pulls out a facemask to wear on Dirt 9:28 Invader Jib 317: *Pulls up a familiar hood, and outfits himself with the cloak attached to it, retracting his light sword and hiding it in the sleve* 9:29 LIRLIR Ding: *because of his suit, it already has a face mask, but he has no holographic disguises* 9:29 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *puts on a purely black robe without all the nightmare Irken affiliated stuff on it N. Vex: The. Rest of you will stay and guard the ship. Us three will go out for supplies 9:31 Invader Jib

• The A.I. controlled soldiers give out a "Yes, sir."*

9:32 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Alright... We are on our way, and we will be there soon. Prepare for landing Long Time has joined the chat. 9:35 Invader Jib

• Those operating the ship proceed to prepare the ship for landing*

9:35 INVADER VEX

• the ship is damaged, but can probably be landed safely*

N. Vex: Oh, and if we can... A new ship would be nice 9:37 LIRLIR Ding: *blankly stares into the distance* 9:38 Invader Jib 317: ...A new ship? Yeeah, I doubt that. Maybe later.

• the ship approaches Dirt, and the pilots begin to begin landing sequences*

• The ship enters the atmosphere, and the broken panel starts to light on fire and burn up the side of the ship*

N. Vex: Uh oh.... Someone, patch that hole! Quickly, the sealant container! 9:44 LIRLIR Ding: *stares* 9:45 Invader Jib

• An A.I. soldier quickly stands into action unexpectedly, and begins to patch up the hole*

9:45 INVADER VEX

• the side of the ship explodes, sucking that soldier into the atmosphere while all the others cling to chairs, bars, or other stuff*

N. Vex: Urgh! *grabs a parachute and straps it onto his back* 9:46 LIRLIR Ding: *is tugged by the pressure, but the boots of his suit keep him attached to the floor* 9:46 INVADER VEX

• The inside of the ship starts to light on fire and melt away, pulling one more soldier out into the air*

Soldier: AAUGH! 9:47 LIRLIR Ding: *noticing N.Vex's departure, simply jumps off the ship* 9:47 Invader Jib 317: *Sighs and grabs a parachute* 9:47 INVADER VEX N. Vex: PARACHUTES, EVERYONE!!! The ship cannot be saved! *floating down 9:47 Invader Jib 317: *jumps out* 9:47 INVADER VEX

• the remaining soldiers grab parachutes and jump out*

9:48 Invader Jib 317: *activates his parachute, noticeably late* 9:48 LIRLIR

• An enormous crash is heard when Ding hits the ground*

9:48 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *lands on the ground with his PAK legs and drops the parachute pack* 9:49 LIRLIR Ding: *is visibly uninjured from the fall and walks over to N.Vex* 9:49 INVADER VEX

• the three remaining soldiers land soon after N. Vex*

9:50 Invader Jib 317: *hits the ground slightly hard, his parachute covering him, and he proceeds to brush it off irritably, getting up.* Long Time has left the chat. 9:52 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Ok... The smugglers' den is several miles northwest of here, so let's get moving 9:53 LIRLIR Ding: *follows, but his footsteps notably loud due to his suit' s boots*

• are notably

9:53 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *begins walking on PAK legs* 9:54 Invader Jib 317: *follows* 9:55 INVADER VEX N. Vex: So, 317, what was that about not needing a new ship? 9:58 Invader Jib 317: No, that's not what I meant at all. This would possibly the worst place to get one...though, not the time for me to be picky NOW, I suppose. 9:58 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Heh, yeah... You'd be surprised at what they have in this place, though... 9:59 Invader Jib 317: Hm. We'll see. LIRLIR has left the chat. LIRLIR has joined the chat. 10:03 LIRLIR Ding: *keeps walking* 10:03 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *climbs to the top of a hill* I think we're here.. *there are two large doors in the ground made out of pieces of metal scraps, and a small building that appears to be a market of types* 10:04 Invader Jib 317: *Climbs up the hill as well* Yes, that's it. 10:05 LIRLIR Ding: *stares at it* 10:05 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *uses PAK legs sorta like skis and slides down the hill towards the building* 10:06 Invader Jib 317: *sighs and simply walks toward the building* 10:06 LIRLIR Ding: *lumbers down the hill* 10:06 INVADER VEX

• the mechanized soldiers march down following 317

10:09 LIRLIR Ding: *follows* 10:09 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *enters the shop and looks around at the stuff in it* 10:10 LIRLIR Ding: *walks in* 10:10 Invader Jib 317: *Enters the shop as well, halting the soldiers to wait outside* 10:13 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Hmm... *picks up a bottle of soda and walks up to the cashier* 10:14 LIRLIR Ding: *stands next to 317, hunched over* 10:14 INVADER VEX

• the cashier is an old Vortian in a cloak and goggles*

LIRLIR has left the chat. LIRLIR has joined the chat. 10:16 INVADER VEX Vortian: Will this splurshee be all for you, sir? 10:16 LIRLIR Ding: *stares at the cashier* 10:16 INVADER VEX N. Vex: No, no it will not... But what I was looking for wasn't on your shelves... Could I take a look in the back? Vortian: Mmmm...... *looks at N. Vex* Alright man, what's it you want?. N. Vex: Our ship crashed... We need supplies... You know where we can get our hands on something? Long Time has joined the chat. 10:20 INVADER VEX Vortian: -__- ...... You ask a whole lotta stupid questions... *pulls out a sub-machine gun from behind the counter and puts his finger over the trigger, also placing a wet rag over his own mouth*

• a greenish and really bad smelling gas starts to fill the room*

N. Vex: Wha? Uuugh... *falls over and passes out* 10:21 Invader Jib 317: Oh for the love of-*passes out abrubtly 10:23 INVADER VEX

• They all black out and wake up in a really dark room, but they can see the outlines of two very muscular guards in a corner and a small alien in the center of the room, holding a bright light in their eyes*

10:24 LIRLIR Ding: *immediately gets up* 10:24 Invader Jib 317: ...No...No...No...No No No No 10:25 LIRLIR Ding: *glares down at the alien* 10:25 INVADER VEX Alien: You guys are with the police, ain't ya? Well you ain't gettin in here! You ain't gonna bust this operation! We know ya! We seen you comin a mile away! 10:26 Invader Jib 317: ...*Sigh* *Shakes head in disgust* 10:26 INVADER VEX N. Vex: ... No, no, we aren't with the police... *goes up to pull his mask off, but huge laser chains hold him to the ground* n. Vex: Rrgh... We are in no way affiliated with the Irken empire... We are here, if fact, to purchase arms, ammunition, and a spaceship so that we may destroy the Irken empire itself....

10:33 INVADER VEX (Ok, good. Well, let's continue 10:33 LIRLIR k (I'm using my sister's laptop right now, so I have to get used to the keys) Ding: *keeps glaring down at the alien* 10:35 INVADER VEX Alien: Hmmm... * grabs the masks off of their heads* 10:35 LIRLIR (well, doesn't Ding have a full-body grounding suit) 10:36 INVADER VEX Alien: *looks fairly surprised* So you wasn't lyin... What's some Nightmare Irkens and... Whatever this guys is... Doin out here? 10:36 LIRLIR (Ah, nevermind) Ding: Toast... *raspy growl* 10:37 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Well, we weren't SUPPOSED to be out here, but the Irken armada damaged out ship and we crashed... Now, can we go about our business? Alien: Mrrreeh.... I heard about that Nightmare Zyl guy a year ago or so... Trying to destroy the universe... I don't think I will let you go... But I'm sure the empire has a pretty price on your heads... 10:41 LIRLIR Ding: *touches the light, which slowly starts to dim* 10:42 INVADER VEX N. Vex: ... Oh, I'm sure they do... But we won't need to worry about that.. 10:42 Invader Jib 317: Nightmare Zyl? I've heard he's been dead for the longest time. 317: But, you know, his plans were limited to him and only him. 10:43 INVADER VEX n. Vex: Indeed... Long Time has left the chat. 10:45 INVADER VEX

• N. Vex slowly pulls his PAK legs out of his PAK and keeps them hidden from sight

10:45 LIRLIR Ding: *raises his other hand, which is slowly starting to spark with electricity* Long Time has joined the chat. LIRLIR has left the chat. 10:49 INVADER VEX

• n. Vex pulls all his PAK legs out at once and stabs them into the alien at once, killing him at once*
• the two guards start to shoot at N. Vex

N. Vex: *rips the alien apart and uses his body pieces to shield himself from the blasts* Long Time has left the chat. 10:51 INVADER VEX N. vex: Ding! Take care of them! Long Time has joined the chat. LIRLIR has joined the chat. 10:52 LIRLIR Ding: *shoots two powerful bolts of electricity at them* 10:52 INVADER VEX

• they both fall over, dead

10:54 LIRLIR Ding: *follows N.Vex* 10:54 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *uses PAK legs to cut his chains and everyone else's n. Vex: Well... We made quite a mess... *looks at the smoke and blood all around the room* We'd better get out fast 10:56 LIRLIR Ding: *looks around* 10:58 INVADER VEX

• there are no doors to be seen, and the whole air vent cliche is not actually possible

10:59 Invader Jib 317: How..? 10:59 LIRLIR Ding: *claps his hands together and aims at the wall, firing a bolt of electricity into the wall* 10:59 INVADER VEX

• a small crater is blown in the wall, but it seems to be some kind of bunker

11:00 LIRLIR Ding: *shrugs and looks at the ground* 11:03 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Well... That isn't going to work... Although given the air temperature, I'd say we are roughly fifty to seventy five feet below the surface, and the smugglers' den is a big pit 100 feet deep, so... We just need to keep doing that in the right direction, and we should end up where we need to be. Does anyone have a compass? 11:06 LIRLIR Ding: *stays silent* 11:07 Invader Jib 317: A compass...yeah...I don't generally carry that with me. 11:10 LIRLIR Ding: *taps foot* 11:10 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Ugh... Well... *looks up and sees a drip coming from the ceiling* 11:11 LIRLIR Ding: *follows the drops with his eyes* Ding: *observes the bodies of the guards* 11:13 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Hmm... *takes the broken lightbulb from the lamp and shaves it to a bowl like shape with a knife, and then lets water drip into it* 11:16 LIRLIR Ding: *observes* 11:16 INVADER VEX

• after a while, it's full*

N. Vex: Does anyone have a nail or small metal shaving? 11:18 LIRLIR Ding: *rips a piece off one of the guard's guns and gives it to N.Vex* 11:19 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Good... *touches it to an electromagnet in his PAK and then places it in water, and it proceeds to point north, but then changes directions very suddenly 11:19 LIRLIR Ding: *stares at it* 11:19 INVADER VEX N. Vex: Alright... *points in the direction that it changed to point to* Keep blasting that wall Long Time has left the chat. 11:20 LIRLIR Ding: *blasts it continuously for a while, making a tunnel* Long Time has joined the chat. 11:21 INVADER VEX

• the tunnel eventually blasts out into a huge hangar type room with markets and huge bustling crowds of all types of people below*

11:22 LIRLIR Ding: *climbs out of the tunnel and looks at it all* Long Time has left the chat. 11:24 INVADER VEX N. Vex:*uses PAK legs to crawl down the side of the cave wall and into the streets below Long Time has joined the chat. 11:24 LIRLIR Ding: *follows* 11:24 Invader Jib 317: *Follows with little hesitance 11:26 INVADER VEX N. Vex: *sees a stand with weapons for sale and walks over to it*

• N. Vex: *walks up to the weapon vendor* I need a gun.. Multirole, insulated drift control, good scope... Got anything?
• Vendor: Ummm... Sure? *looking at N. Vex's strange mechanical legs*
• 11:56LIRLIRDing: *He looks at the stand. He apparently has no comment.*
• 11:56INVADER VEX*the alien vendor brings out a gun and hands it to n. Vex, who grabs it with his PAK arms*
• N. Vex: Great. How much do I owe you?
• 11:57Mysteriousjillguy( I'll record
• 11:58LIRLIR(K)
• 11:58INVADER VEXVendor: Uhhh... Well, those things don't come cheap... Smugglers got a hefty fee
• N. Vex: *Stabs his PAK leg through the guy's body* Bill me.
• N. Vex: *shoots the lock off of a gun safe* Everyone grab a gun
• 11:59Invader Jib317: *Grabs a gun*
• 317: *Feels is a bit then puts it into position*
• 12:00INVADER VEXN. Vex: now... We need a sh
• *ship
• 12:00MysteriousjillguyGeneric Nightmare Irken:*Grabs gun and puts it in pocket*
• 12:01Invader Jib317: Hm....
• 12:01INVADER VEXN. Vex: 317, go steal a ship and meet us topside. Shouldn't be too hard

• Invader Jib317: Alright then.
• 12:02LIRLIRDing: *He picks up a gun, however, it sparks when he touches it.*
• 12:02Invader Jib317: *Runs over to an area..where ships are stored*
• 12:02INVADER VEXN. Vex: Everyone else, move out! We have a lot of ground to cover...
• N. Vex: or.. Space, I guess
• 12:04LIRLIRDing: *He lumbers around.*
• 12:04INVADER VEX*The group of soldiers begin to climb up a set of stairs where they emerge from a secret door in a hollowed out Irken ship
• 12:06LIRLIRDing: *He wanders about, not knowing what he's looking for*
• Ding: *He eventually finds his way back to where the group is.*
• 12:08Mysteriousjillguy*A nightmare Irken soldier walks over to Ding,with head shape resembling Invader Yoogli,his left arm is missing a hand*
• 12:08INVADER VEXN. Vex: Ok, we are off to a bit of a rough start, but once we get to the space station, we must make sure that we aren't seen... We can't have anyone know what we're trying to build
• 12:09LIRLIRDing: *He slowly looks at the nightmare Irken*
• 12:10MysteriousjillguyPorrt: HI
• Porrt:WHAT'S YOUR NAME?! *Screaming*
• 12:11LIRLIRDing: Ding. *The gun he is holding sparks again*
• 12:12INVADER VEX(Gtg sorry
• 12:12Mysteriousjillguy( hngh
• 12:12LIRLIR( I should go too. Night.)